I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
