people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this beer tastes like vomit already
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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