So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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