And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
