Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
