he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
