I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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