So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
someone owes me an orgasm
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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