He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
