i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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