My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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