Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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