You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
