Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
