i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
