Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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