you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
