He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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