So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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