i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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