So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
