oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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