I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
