Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
