his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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