he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
