at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
