Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
