why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
