Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
