We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
