Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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