I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
