look no pants
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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