I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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