Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
did i just pee glitter
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