I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
