hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
