nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
