As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
