Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
