so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
