Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
