Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
