It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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