She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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