One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
