I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
