Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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