I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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