It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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