I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
